Maybe it’s me but I heard far too much about power grids, power lines and voltage. Just tell me what happened, what the powers that be are going to do about, who is responsible so that I know who to blame when it happens again and what happened. Yeah I know I asked what happened twice. That is sort of the point.
There was a tiny glitch here in the DC metro area, but it only lasted for about 30 minutes. But everyone is a little concerned. It is sort of amused me to watch people raid the grocery stores and stock up on food. I wanted to say this isn’t a blizzard. If the power goes out you will be throwing out that meat and ice cream. Perhaps with practice, they’ll know better. Which leads me to the Horny Man’s Survival Kit. They didn’t teach you this in the Boy Scouts!
The Horny Man’s Survival Kit is good for natural disasters, political screw-ups and well between paydays.
Item one: condoms. Nine months after the 1965 Black Out, every major blizzard and a few hurricanes there has been a spike in births. So, unless you plan on beginning or adding on to your family, have a pack of condoms handy. And not just a pack but a SUPER pack – take two 36s, tape them together and make a 72. Then your challenge will be to go through 72 condoms within a small time frame.
Item two: body wash. Needless to say, you are going to be in close quarters and you may as well smell good. The first day is a breeze, but what do you do when there is no water or its too damn cold because the heat is out? Think astronaut. What do they use to keep themselves smelling fresh? Head down to the camping store and get a bottle of No Rinse Shampoo, Conditioner and Body Wash. You don’t need any water and it guarantees another night of nookie.
Item three: food. Do not store sweets or goodies with chocolate. Eating a piece of chocolate is the same as having sex for many women. Instead, stock up on power bars with little sugar and protein like jerky. You want your partner to have energy left for you. Note: have a special stash of chocolate in case your lady friend is getting a visit from her friend. Do you know what I mean? Believe me, you don’t want to be stuck anywhere without a chocolate piece of something handy.
Item four: fluids. After a lot of lovemaking, I am parched. Bottled water is great however it gives you that bloated feeling when you drink a lot of it. And sugary drinks have the same effect. Try Gookinaid. Marathons runners use it. It’s like Gatorade only with less sugar and doesn’t give that bloated feeling.
Other items like battery-powered radio, landline telephone that doesn’t need electricity, flashlights, etc. you can get that information anywhere. This is the HORNY Man’s Survival Kit. So, wear protection, maintain your hygiene habits, get lots of fluids and keep up your energy by eating plenty of protein and energy bars.
Of course, after the mishap, everyone will want to know why you have such a wicked smile on your face. Keep them guessing!
Oh, yeah I almost forgot, you can always call me. I’m still the cheapest and judging by my popularity damn good.
Phone is ringing. For cheap phone sex call me.
Cheryl